


Quartermaster... with kids

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Adopted Children, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Helicopter Dad Q, M/M, Misunderstandings, Protective Alec, Protective James Bond, Protective Q
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2018-12-24 09:24:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12009816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: Bond managed to give him a lot of work even when he was no longer with 'the company'. Still, Q agrees to take care of the child that was left in his care until the unaware father drags himself back to England, and Alec is more than happy to assist the young Quartermaster.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually blame a certain someone for this plot bunny, although I reduced the number kids.
> 
> I do plan on keeping this a short, but my muse abandoned me in favor of another multi-chaptered fic.

“So you’re Q,” the extremely pale woman muttered as a way of greeting, her kind smile making him feel even more awkward than he already did. “James talked about you with so much fondness that I feel as if I’ve personally known you for years.”

 

“He’s really horrible at what he is supposed to do then, isn’t he?” Q joked because, really, what else could you do in a situation like this? For all those articles he read online when he was bored about proper etiquette, not one editor thought about someone needing something in the very slim possibility of someone finding themselves in the same room as the mother of the child of their crush that was clearly looking way too pale and thin to be doing well.

 

Though the woman seemed to know a bit more than him about human interaction because she gave the joke a courtesy laugh and Q thought that it was a very pleasant sound, even if it was fake. “He didn’t know that I was pregnant when he left because my little treasure was also a  surprise for me and my family.”

 

Now _that_ was definitive proof that Bond was horrible at his job because spies were supposed to notice even the smallest of details and if the fact that the woman he was sleeping with was pregnant went over his head, then clearly he completed all of his missions by pure luck. Then again, there was the possibility that he did notice and that was the reason he bailed out on her which not only made him a complete twat, but also the scum of the earth and Q really needed to think hard about his taste in men.

 

“I’ll find him, don’t worry,” he promised, even though he had been trying to do just that for the past six months with no luck. He couldn’t understand why he and Miss Swann were hiding from him as he had ruined his new suit to show James where every tracker on the Aston Martin was and then removed them at his request, so James should know that all he wanted was to make sure that he was still in one piece.

 

Just thinking about that gave him high blood pressure and given what was currently happening, he wanted to avoid getting a coronary. “I will drag that heartless, bloody bastard here by his balls, so hang on a little bit longer okay?” He growled, hoping that his promise would give her enough strength to hold on until an outright miracle happened. “In fact, I’ll stop wasting precious time and get back to trying to track him right—”

 

She latched on to him before he could fully turn away and make a dash for the door, her begging eyes keeping him in place – how that was a weakness for him, he did not know, especially since women had no hold on him, no matter how gorgeous they were. “He’ll come back to you when he’s ready, don’t worry.” She gave him an all-knowing smile and gently patted his chest. “You’re the only person in his life that I know without a doubt he wouldn’t ever truly abandon.”

 

It wasn’t hard to imagine Bond falling heads over heels for her if only temporary - as was par for the course when it came to him. The sickness had made her thin as a waif and white as a ghost, motherhood contributing to the heavy bags under her eyes, but she was still beautiful. Her lips were still plump and red, her eyes a deep colour of blue that definitely gave Bond’s a run for their money, her chest voluptuous – and Q was sure that it was its natural state, though having a child surely made it even more so – and her luscious, curled dark hair an absolute temptation for one’s fingers.

 

Her coughing snapped him out of his thoughts before he could imagine her being painted as a modern day Mona Lisa, the urgency of his need to wrap his arms around Bond’s anything shifting from carnal need to last hope for a medical miracle. “It’s very kind of you to assume he sees me as a person and not just a thing that magically gets doors open and whatnot, but I highly doubt that's true and I really should go back to my office and see if I can speed up my Bond finding.”

 

“Q, I have long since made peace with the fact that I will not get to hear James’ voice again, much less see him hold his son in his arms for the first time.” Her eyes softened and her voice filled with regret. “Though that would be a beautiful sight, not because I still have feelings for him but because I think I’d see one of his rare honest smiles. But at least he won’t see my funeral and my little treasure will be in good, kind, and caring hands, and that’s more than I could hope for.” She had a smile as she said that and Q found it disconcerting.

 

To him, no one could really accept the fact that they were dying. They could put on a brave façade for others, but there was always a slight tremor in their hands and their lips quivered just a bit when those words left their lips, eyes bulging just a little, but this woman? She was as still as a rock.

 

“I’ll admit that I’m at a complete loss as to why I am here if you don’t want me to track Bond down.” It was somewhat of a lie, but he hoped his hunch was completely wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time that happened, but he really did want to know how it felt to be happy about not being right.

 

“James’ face always lit up a little when he talked about you, although he started turning with his back to me after I pointed that out as if he was embarrassed about his secret being found out,” she said instead, detaching herself from him in favour of walking over to the crib that Q did not dare to acknowledge. “I actually joked that he had a huge crush on you and that he was in denial about it which made him ever so slightly blush.”

 

Q managed to choke on air, although that wasn’t a hard thing to do when you hear that the world’s greatest Casanova got accused of having a thing for you, the mousy male boffin with the supposedly horrible clothing. “He’s not one for…He’s never…” he stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “He’s a ladies man only,” he finally managed to say, his brain wracking for at least a single honeypot mission in which the target was male getting interrupted by the dread of seeing the woman lean over that crib he tried to ignore in the farthest corner of the room and start cooing at it. “Look, if you’re busy, maybe I should go. I mean, I wouldn’t want to wake anyone up and—”

 

“You truly must be a very kind man because this one normally screams on top of his lungs when he senses a stranger around him,” she interrupted him and Q suddenly found himself face to face with a chubby blond baby that looked like he was trying to decide if he should yawn or start crying. “Would you like to hold him?”

 

Frankly? No, no he did not want to hold him. In fact, he did not want to be in the same house as him, but even he knew that you couldn’t tell that to the mother. “I’m an incredible klutz. In fact, I have an entire cupboard filled with the same type of mug just so people don’t find out that I break at least two of them every five hours.”

 

But the woman did not recoil in horror – nothing ever went according to plan when anyone even remotely connected to Bond was involved – and Q started to think that he should take a few double ohs up on their offers and attend some special lying classes. “He’s a five months baby, not some ancient book that will disintegrate the second you touch him and I am here to make sure that you won’t drop him, although I don’t think that ever really happened outside of comedy movies. You just have to make sure that his head is resting on your chest and then slide your hand up from his bottom to support his neck.”

 

She continued to guide his hands around her son as she explained, giving his right hand a reassuring squeeze. “Now gently move his head to the crook of your arm while making sure you’re still supporting his neck and…” She took a few steps away, arms free, and she had turned Q into a statue even though she was not Medusa. “Voila! Perfect baby-holding position.”

 

If he were asked, the perfect position was for anyone else but him to be holding the baby. So afraid he was of moving that he didn’t even want to bend his neck a bit to glance down at the child. But what was he to do if he suddenly had to scratch his nose? Or answer the phone? Or he needed his hand to type something in order to save an agent? Worse still, what if the baby moved? Oh God, just as he thought of that, the baby started to move and it couldn’t be for something good either if the noises he was starting to make were anything to go by. “I think he wants his mother back.”

 

Instead of relieving him of the precious cargo, the woman chuckled. “He’s reaching for your face, Q, so he either wants to fully see you or he wants your glasses.” She narrowed her eyes for a moment and then nodded. “The glasses; shiny things attract him and I blame his father for it.”

 

That sounded about right. “I’m scared that I might drop him,” Q admitted, her laughter starting to get grating. “I fail to see how this is funny.”

 

“You’re extremely adorable.” She pinched his cheeks and then cupped the back of his neck, oh so slowly tilting his head down. “This is Q, darling,” she said softly, her son seemingly forgetting of her existence in favour of carefully analysing every inch, crease, and wrinkle of Q’s face, extending his little arms above and wiggling his stubby little fingers like he wanted to grab hold of his nose. “And Q, this is the light of my eyes, Jamie.”

 

“A pleasure to meet you?” Q tried, his natural impulse to hold out his hand overruled by his fear to move. “Does Jamie want his mother?” He stuttered, the child gurgling at him. “I think that’s a definitive yes, so if you wouldn’t mind?”

 

The second she took her child back, Q collapsed in the armchair and hid his face in the palms of his hands. He had felt less stressed when he was working with nitroglycerin and he suddenly got the urge to sneeze than holding the baby. “Just give me one month and you’ll be teaching James how to properly hold Jamie,” he pleaded.

 

She sighed, her sadness filled eyes turning back to her restless child. “Would you mind visiting us at least once a week? I know I’m still asking for a lot, but—”

 

“Sure, that’ll be no problem,” he interrupted, helping her sit down and kneeling next to her, gently cupping her free hand. “But, how would you feel if our Medical team were to visit you daily? No just you, but little Jamie too.” She looked more than uncomfortable and Jamie was frowning at him and looking like he was about to start crying because of course he had figured out that Q had distressed his mother. “I’ll do my best to come with them every time and if you’re afraid that they might say anything, it will be my own personal doctors and nurses and I can order for a gag order to be put in place.”

 

He would have continued to rant, but Jamie decided that his voice was much too grating so he simply leaned to the side a little and placed his little hands over Q’s mouth, shutting him up instantly. The kid somehow ended back in Q’s arms because he grew fussy when he wasn’t either tugging on his nose or hair or trying to snatch his glasses off so he could much on them, effectively locking him in place for a good twenty minutes until the mother woke up from her unplanned nap and saved him from his overactive imagination.

 

“You were less stiff this time and he does like being in your arms despite the lack of fat tissue in the cleavage area,” she teased him before showing him out.

 

True to his word, Q showed up alongside the medical team the following day, all his hopes for the woman simply going to crappy doctors dashed the second he made eye contact with his personal physician while the man was still reading her records. Sadly, there really wasn’t anything that anyone could do other than make sure her last weeks – or months, if she was lucky – were as comfortable as possible.

 

And Q did just that, visiting as often as he could after work – pointing out that rare were the days when he was done while the sun was still out, so him as Jamie’s caretaker was a horrible idea because he might develop abandonment issues – and taking them around London for sightseeing on Saturday as Sundays were saved for someone else.

 

He realized too late that he had stupidly befriended the dying woman and the child that _might_ end up in a loving home if her relatives were as _composed_ and understanding as she was making them out to be when he either failed finding Bond or if the former agent decided that he wasn’t capable of being a father, but he decided that he didn't actually regret that beyond the fact that he will be sad when she did die.

 

Still, he wondered out loud if it would be better or worse for Jamie if Bond decided to be the one who actually raises him instead of just making a monthly deposit in a bank account somewhere. If he treated the child the same was he treated every little thing Q had entrusted with him, then clearly the mother’s family should take him in.

 

Averting her eyes, the grip on the mug of chamomile tea hardened. “I may have undersold just how upset my family was when I revealed to them that I was pregnant and that I planned on keeping the baby.”

 

By now, Q was more than used to holding little Jamie in his lap while they ate, so he held on tighter to him. “Surely he grew on them by now?”

 

“They haven’t even seen him,” she bitterly admitted. “They disowned me, stripped me of my title, and threw me out one day after the 24 weeks mark.” Q tried to act shocked at the mention of a title, but she shushed him. “I know what your job is, Q, so don’t bother denying that you did an in depth research on me the second James mentioned me.” He ducked his head behind little Jamie, cheeks burning with embarrassment. “But I am surprised that you didn’t know that I am no longer a countess.”

 

He didn’t get any red flags popping up when he ran her name, so he didn’t bother redoing her background check. “I’ll hold on to him until Bond returns,” he heard himself saying, his heart dropping in his stomach as he was hit in the back of his mind with the many responsibilities he had just taken on.

 

Fear was still present in her eyes as she gently took her son’s hand in hers. “What will happen to him when James’ luck finally runs out on a mission?”

 

Q scoffed, narrowing his eyes. He must have told her a million times that Bond was no longer an active agent, but she just kept on insisting that since he was not dead and since Q was still with MI6, the man was still 007. However, it pained him to admit that her fear was a legitimate one given that Bond had stumbled upon Spectre while on vacation and it was only normal for someone who had been abandoned to worry for the future of her child with the man that did the abandoning.

 

“Should Bond be that big of an idiot, Jamie will remain in my care,” Q said slowly as he carefully ran his hands through Jamie’s small tuft of blond hair which he clearly got from his father alongside the blue eyes, prompting the child to turn around and grab his hand so he could start chewing on his fingers. “Just don’t chew on Turing’s tail because he has no qualms about biting back.”

 

Apparently, she had held on this long just to be sure that her child would be taken care of for she passed on three days later - the live-in nurse that Q got for her assured him that it had been a peaceful and painless death, the drugs she was taking to be able to simply move around enabling her to give out just a simple sigh as her last breath left her body - and he found himself with three sets of lawyers alongside Child Protective Services and MI6’s Chief of Staff - a wonderful man with the patience of a saint named Bill Tanner -  who looked more than natural holding the completely cried-out Jamie.

 

“The paternity leave request just needs your signature to be completed, Q,” Tanner informed him, stopped from giving Q the child that was already reaching out to him by the set of lawyers who he didn’t recognize and who he assumed to belong to the recently deceased woman’s family.

 

“We were unable to find anything on this person,” the oldest of the lawyers spat at the  social workers, throwing Q a glare that probably put fear in normal people, but since Q worked with deadly assassins on a daily basis and handled all sorts of dangerous objects, the fact that a pencil pusher looked at him funnily did nothing. “Furthermore, we are sure that Miss di Vicenzo wasn't in her sound mind when she named him as the child’s caretaker.”

 

“She was completely sane when those papers were drafted and we have evidence to back that up,” the former contessa’s lawyers jumped in, the rest of their argument getting drowned out by the first pair of lawyers starting to rant about God knew what articles.

 

By now, all the doors on Q’s floor opened, the fact that all of his direct neighbours were undercover MI5 agents no longer a secret and since Q was generally a grouchy person in the morning as well as the fact that this was not the best way in which you could tell someone that you’re new friend died, he was really tempted to order them to start shooting anyone who was in a suit and shouting.

 

Jamie’s hiccups and Tanner’s desperate attempts to stop him before he really started crying is what saved the bickering lawyers and Q took a deep breath before calmly walking around everyone and taking the baby in his arms. “He’s tired, upset, and wants his mother who will never hold him again,” he said coldly, the agent closest to him stepping in front of him and starting to growl until the lawyers and child services people took a few steps back. “Am I currently the child’s legal guardian?” His lawyers nodded and he grinned, disappearing back in his apartment, Tanner in tow.

 

That day was the first day he actually had to change a diaper and luckily Tanner was there to help him. Not that someone who had become an expert in this by having to do this three times with his own kids had an easy time since Jamie tried to crawl off the changing table the second he blinked, stuck his feet in Tanner’s face and tried to push him away while looking pleadingly at Q until he was picked up, and attacked with baby powder.

 

“Why is it that I can easily see Bond doing the same thing as a child?” An exasperated Tanner asked as he tried to dust off his suit.

 

Looking a little green in the face because disposing of a used diaper was more disgusting to him than cleaning up after his cat, Q tried to sketch a little smile but ended up looking like he was cringing. “Is there anything I could bribe you with so you’d come here every time Jamie needs his diaper changed?”

 

“You could offer me immortality and bundle in eternal youth and I still wouldn’t,” Tanner deadpanned, patting Q’s back. “But I suggest keeping track of every time you have to do it and then present Bond with a bill when you do finally drag him back home.”

 

The hard part started right after Tanner left as even though Jamie was obviously tired and Q had his crib and mobile that usually put him to sleep right away installed in his apartment while the lawyers were bickering outside, the second he moved from the apparently sleeping baby’s field of vision, the crying instantly started. But at least it was easy to get the child to eat and Q mentally thanked the Contessa for not wasting any time in weaning him, Turing even more happy about that as even though the food the child threw all over his once pristine kitchen looked disgusting to Q, the cat loved it.

 

The first five days was spent babyproofing the house, Q tying down every piece of furniture and major appliance – losing a laptop in the process because he forgot that it too had a strap around the lower half and ended up holding just the screen when he tried to move it next to Jamie on the floor –  cursing the lid lock he installed on the toilet because he always waited until the very last second to go - installing baby gates in every room and then getting a plethora of  bruises on his legs and his hips because apparently his memory was horrible, dedicating an entire day to fastening cords against walls and then covering them with plastic lids since Turing found them even more interesting now.

 

Sunday had come around and Q only became aware of that when he got a message from another new friend he had made just a few weeks prior to meeting the late Contessa, asking him if everything was okay and if he was up to their usual unwinding, but Q turned him down in a heartbeat and with only a hint of regret as he didn’t feel that he could explain Jamie just yet and that he and the child still needed a lot more bonding before he could properly introduce him to anyone in his life.

 

Hell, Turing himself was still having a hard time accepting Jamie, the cat hissing and flicking his tail every time he was ignored in favour of the intruder. He didn’t try to claw him or chew him – probably because Q was too afraid of _everything_ to not constantly have him in his arms – but every time he managed to sneak in where the changing table was, he made sure to push everything off said table, roll around on it, and dig his claws in the mountain of unused diapers.

 

The fourth time that happened, Q ended up putting Turing in a timeout in his carrier and having an existential crisis in a kitchen corner about how horrible of a father he was going to be, calming down and realizing that a cat was still just a cat and very different from a human child when Jamie made it clear that he was up and bored.

 

But those thoughts of absolute doubt returned three days later when Jamie started to cry not five minutes after he woke up and Q instantly knew that the noises the baby was making were not his usual ones.

 

He didn’t need a diaper change, he didn’t have a rash anywhere, he wasn’t hungry, he didn’t need burping, he wasn’t inclined towards going back to sleep no matter how many articles Q started to read – he checked online and Jamie was still too young to truly comprehend what was being said to him, but he did plan on going to a bookstore for proper children books in two days – he didn’t have a fever, and he spent fifteen minutes bundling Jamie up to take him on a walk which ended ten minutes later because he was still crying.

 

Afraid that the child might have gotten sick, Q wasted no time in pretty much ordering his doctor over, taking Jamie’s temperature every ten minutes and writing it down until the man finally arrived. “His temperature goes up and down with 0.2 to 0.5 degrees every time I take it, but I’m still not convinced that it isn’t the start of a cold,” he breathed out the second the door opened, dragging the man to the now sobbing child. “He’s also a little bit red in the throat, but that might be from all the crying and he’s been drooling an awful lot.”

 

Q felt like there was more to say, but the doctor stuck a thermometer in his mouth to shut him up. “Firstly, and most importantly, I would like to point out that you are turning into one of _those_ parents, Quartermaster, and while I understand that you ended up as a fresh father in the worst way possible, I’d advise you to take a deep breath and think before calling.”

 

Spitting the thermometer out, Q fixed the doctor with a glare. “And secondly?”

 

“He’s getting his first tooth,” he said simply, catching Q’s hands in his before he could grab his phone. “You’ll need a teething ring and you can give him cold food to ensure that he keeps eating. Not too cold, mind you, but don’t ask me for an exact temperature because I can’t give you one,” he added before Q could even open his mouth. “You’ll just have to trust your instinct, Quartermaster.”

 

Q felt like a vein was about to pop somewhere. “You just told me to think before acting and then you followed that by instructing me to follow my instinct,” he hissed, forcing himself to smile when he saw Jamie frown as he turned his attention to him. “Can you answer my question with something that’s not a contradiction, doctor?”

 

The man sighed the way Q usually did whenever he was faced with the nth person who was giving him a hard time with the same thing they perceived as a problem – okay, so he was getting where the man was coming from and he almost felt bad. Almost. Agents asking him if he was sure that a certain gadget was going to work the way it was supposed to even after he had assured them of that over and over again was not the same as him asking the doctor what he could do to know for sure when a child was sick and when he was just being fussy.

 

“Not really, no,” the doctor said honestly, changing his gloves so he could massage Jamie’s gums. “I suppose you could apply a second thought to your first instinct?” Q’s eye twitch did not go unnoticed, but it was ignored. “What I can tell you without a doubt is that little Jamie over here will let you know if you’re not doing this properly and also that I’ll leave a box of disposable gloves just so you don’t worry about either not having clean enough hands or not rinsing enough.”

 

They left together with the doctor, Q letting Jamie munch on his finger until the appropriate equipment was bought. He ended up buying twenty different toys – and about as many ‘teething washcloths’ – and while Jamie seemed to be happy with all of them in that second, the following morning he was back to crying his eyes out and using his toys as very painful projectiles – he wished he could join Turing in hiding in the closet, but alas he was the responsible adult on the verge of a panic attack because it hurt his soul to know that Jamie was in pain.

 

When his phone rang one hour later just as he was about to call the doctor, he couldn’t help but snap at the unfortunate person who called. “Unless you have a medical degree, I don’t care!”

 

 _"Why would you need a doctor?_ ” Alec Trevelyan, former 006 and his new Sunday friend asked, worry clear in his voice.

 

According to the old Quartermaster, true friendship between agents and boffins was nonexistent – or at least with the likes of 007 and 006, he grumbled under his breath before turning his full glare on the man. The second his eyes landed on Alec using Q's desk as a chair while the new Quartermaster was holding a plastic cup of something and laughing at something the 'pest' was saying, he rolled his eyes and started to rant about how disappointed he was in Q for falling for such a cheap trick and in Alec for still attempting to bribe a Quartermaster in giving him something that he wasn't supposed to have.

 

Boothroyd did feel bad when it was revealed that the cup was a peace offering for him – it was exactly as he used to have it, only it was decaf – as Alec had no idea that he wasn’t the Quartermaster anymore. The old man did scoff a bit and cried at the future of their agents and Q’s hair when it was further revealed that Alec was going to be the new field instructor, but did accept the coffee cup that Q was holding for the other man so he could complete Alec's biometric registration on a tablet, welcoming him back in MI6’s arms.

 

The actual friendship between himself and Alec formed a few weeks later, although the two of them worked on it daily, the former agent proving that his position on the list of super spies was more than deserved by instantly reading Q’s feelings when 007 was mentioned, giving him an understanding shoulder squeeze before trying to distract him with a cup of tea from the vending machine. Sunday became _their_ day as it was the only day in which both of them were free, provided Q didn’t have to help agents with their missions or London wasn’t under attack.

 

“ _Q? Q, are you still there? I’m already on my way to you_ ,” Alec informed him, tires screeching as he took a sharp turn – reckless driving was one of Alec’s and Bond’s common hobbies.

 

“I’m fine, slow down,” Q assured him, flinching when another teething toy was thrown at his head, a heart wrenching screaming erupting form Jamie’s throat. “But I do need help,” he added, voice cracking. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

“ _Almost there, Q,_ ” Alec breathed out and dropped the call, Q feeling equally abandoned and happy without the man’s voice in his ear since it meant that he now had both hands on the steering wheel.

 

Q walked around the house while massaging Jamie’s gums for maybe five minutes after that call before all the alarms he had set up went off, announcing Alec’s arrival. He didn’t let them go on for too long since he wanted to avoid a special ops troop bursting into  his apartment followed other MI6 agents that caught wind of his apparent trouble from his loose lipped – and worried – minions and he also opened the door before it could get kicked in or shot at since he did not have time to go shopping for a new one.

 

Alec still managed to somehow miss that and barrelled in shoulder first, gun draw, the loud noise caused by him tripping over the first baby gate installed in the mini-hallway ending with Turing’s claws firmly implanted in his back, the cat nothing more than a hissing, giant black fluff of anger.

 

“Don’t you dare hurt my cat!” Q warned before Alec could throw himself back first into a wall.

 

“I’m starting to understand why you need a doctor,” Alec grunted, his mouth falling open when he caught sight of the Quartermaster holding a sniffling baby. “On second thought, I don’t; please enlighten me.”

 

So Q did, but only after he got Turing away from Alec’s back and immediate vicinity. He told him all about the Contessa and who Jamie’s father was – Alec chiming in to express his surprise that something like this hadn’t happened before – and why he was close to tears and beyond tired.

 

“Well, if DNA testing was still a mystery to us, than everything he’s doing to you would have been clear proof that he belongs to James,” Alec attempted to joke, drying his hands before pulling on a pair of gloves. “Do you mind if I  rub junior’s gums for a bit?” Q’s hold on Jamie increased. “I won’t drop him, don’t worry. Not that I’m afraid of what James might do, but I’m pretty sure there won’t be anything left for him to end after you’re done with me.”

 

He was obviously brownnosing as Q wasn’t so full of himself that he actually thought he could hurt a mountain of a man without the help of technology, but the promise in Alec's eyes that he really would be careful alongside a sort of instinct he had developed thanks to Bond made him trust Alec – plus, his arms hurt and the world was spinning faster than usual which couldn't be a good thing.

 

His hands still hovered under Jamie just in case the man suddenly got a cramp and the baby was dropped, but after ten minutes in which nothing bad happened, he finally sat back against the sofa, happy just to observe the two.  

 

“He’s almost 9 months old, isn’t he?” Alec managed to ask even though Jamie had taken hold of his lower lip and Q nodded, surprised that he could tell that.

 

Actually, he was surprised about everything when it came to the way Alec was interacting with the kid. He was at ease holding him in one arm and he knew just the right place he needed to press on the gums to relieve Jamie of the pain, making all sorts of faces at him in the process.

 

“You’re very good with children,” he whispered, thankful when Alec moved next to him with the baby because he was fighting a losing battle with tiredness.

 

“Well…” He trailed off, pulling out his phone, blowing raspberries on Jamie’s belly as he unlocked it and gave it to Q. “You’ll know why I’m so good with this little rascal once you’re done looking through my picture gallery. The pass—”

 

“I haven’t coded or done anything computer related in days, so let me have this,” Q interrupted him, sticking his tongue out as he started to tap the phone’s screen.

 

It didn’t take him more than five minutes to access the man’s files – and, if he were honest, he took the long route because he missed doing this – but his glee was quickly replaced by shock. “You have kids!”

 

Alec beamed at him and leaned closer to Q so he could use his pinkie to swipe through the private gallery. “The girl’s named Alexandra and she’s six and the boy is Alex and he’s four.” He stopped at a picture of all three of them in Mickey Mouse hats, Alec holding both kids in his arms while they hugged his neck. “I got Alexandra when she was nine months old and she was a late bloomer teeth-wise and Alex when he was four months old and just getting his teeth, so I’m a master at gum soothing by now.”

 

Q was further thankful to be sitting down when he found out that Alec had adopted the two children, apologizing when his obvious shock was pointed out to him. He was quick to assure Alec that his jaw on the floor wasn’t due to him believing that all double oh agents – be they in training or retired – were nothing more than heartless guns who fulfilled the occasional role of a talking vibrator when needed, but because there were many notes in his file that depicted him as someone incapable of interacting with children since he himself acted like one.

 

He made to apologize again, but Alec shrugged and assured him that it took way more than that to make him feel insulted, especially since the reason that note was added in his file was that he had taken time from his mission to prank a fourteen year old as payback for managing to nail him right between the eyes with a snowball, which was a lot more innocent than what Q had imagined at the time he had read that note – and mainly that he had either dangled the child out a window after which he promptly gave him a wedgie by hoisting him up on a pole like a flag.

 

Naturally, Q’s next question was how exactly he got to adopt the kids with that note in his file and the obvious answer was the correct answer – M. Or rather, the old M. Alec had seen Alexandra in a hospital close to the end of his final mission and after he was done taking down the madman whose grandmaster plan involved orphans, he had begged the woman to assist him in being allowed to adopt her. Her help wasn’t exactly needed – but was more than welcomed – in Alex’s case and though his story was a bit less dramatic, he still couldn’t call it happy as he had been abandoned after birth.

 

Happier stories followed that, about Alexandra’s and Alex’s first steps and their first words, and somewhere between Alexandra's favourite story which most definitely wasn’t too advanced or too violent for her age and how Alex had not only peed on the old M’s desk, but broke her favourite pen as well as punishment for yelling at his father, Q fell asleep.

 

Alec just smiled when he noticed that, daring to enter the man’s bedroom to get the blanket and then continued to be the silent babysitter, only tutting when Jamie threatened to start crying because Q wasn’t opening his eyes and running to him.

 

“How about you let your poor dad get some proper rest for at least one night and turn me into your servant?” He quietly asked the child, poking his nose and getting his finger turned into a teething toy, flinching when Turing followed suit. “I was talking to the kid.” The cat bit him again and Jamie laughed and clapped his hands. “Never getting my kids a cat.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t know what I did to it,” Alec grumbled, flinching a little when Q lightly dabbed a cotton ball against his arm.

 

“Alec…”

 

“It honestly hurts,” he said in his defence, shutting his eyes tightly when he saw Q lean close to his arm again.

 

Trying really hard not to laugh at the grown man that used to be an assassin whimpering and cowering before a living fur ball, Q started to gently blow over the scratch before carefully pressing the cotton ball drenched in medicinal alcohol against it. “You constantly returned to MI6 riddled with bullet holes and knife wounds, shouting on top of your lungs that you do not really need medical attention, but the second my 10 pound cat scratches you, it’s the end of the world and I should stuff you with pain killers?”

 

“Your killer cat is accurate in its scratches and it knows where to nip to inflict the most pain,” Alec grumbled, hissing back at Turning and then quickly hiding behind Q when it looked like the cat was getting ready to pounce on him. “Just slap some double ohs before his name and turn him into an agent already.”

 

Q tutted at Turing, but Alec doubted that the cat was learning anything seeing that his owner was rubbing him behind his ears. “I’m suffering enough when people I barely meet get wounded, so just imagine how horrible I’d feel if something were to happen to Turing.”

 

It was a dick move on Q’s part to put things like that, but the same thing could be said for Alec’s roundabout way of expressing his wish for the cat to die a horrible and painful death just because it was protecting his territory. But Alec was really at the end of his rope with trying to get the thing to at least just hiss at him whenever he was near Q or the baby – or simply leaving a room in Q's house without him being next to him to assure the horrible fluff monster that he wasn't an intruder – and since he had long reached the conclusion that the bloody thing actually understood human speech, it only made sense for him to threaten it.

 

“There, done,” Q announced as he slapped a brightly coloured band-aid on his arm. “I am quite happy that I need to buy these for you and not for Jamie.” As if the child was a voice activated robot, he made his presence know the second Q said his name, gurgling and yelling until Q plucked him up from his playpen. “There, there, darling… Your pa is here and you're safe.”

 

Alec abandoned his cat glaring in favour of arching his eyebrow at Q. “Pa?”

 

“Well, ‘father’, ‘dad’ and any other variation of the two should really only be used by Bond,” Q explained in baby talk, laughing when Jamie started to clap his tiny hands right over his nose. “My name or title are also out of the question, although if Bond does deem me worthy of his time to respond to that emergency I keep telling him about in all the messages I keep leaving for him all over the world and he decides to step up to the plate when he meets his child, I wouldn’t terribly be adverse to Jamie knowing me and referring to me as ‘Uncle Q’ when he does start to talk.”

 

“Speaking of that title,” Alec started, coughing awkwardly and rubbing the back of his neck, eyes glued to his shoes. “How would you feel about finally meeting my darling little monsters that don’t bite and don't claw tomorrow afternoon? I’m afraid they can’t stop asking about you and I’d love it if you met them.”

 

Q allowed himself a moment of pure and unadulterated panic which he regretted because he imagined that the children would instantly hate him and that they’d start throwing rocks at him just as Social Services reared their ugly square heads in to take Jamie away because he was so horrible that no living child could like him.

 

“They’ll adore you because it’s impossible not to,” Alec whispered helpfully in his ear, squeezing his hand.

 

“Can you promise that?” Q asked, instantly aware of how stupid it was. You couldn’t really impose on a child to like someone if they didn’t and Alec’s children were far too young to understand what white lies were and why they were important and Q really needed one of those right then and there because once he got a thought stuck in his brain, there was no other way of getting it out. “You can cross your fingers behind your back while doing it, but don’t let me see—”

 

“I promise that they won’t stop praising you and that they’ll love you,” Alec said, holding his hands in front of Q to show him that he was being honest. “Now take a few deep breaths and smile at Jaime because he’s getting the frown he has before a crying fit and we both know how embarrassing getting him to stop is.”

 

Well, embarrassing for Alec because he was the one that had to get kicked and/or slapped repeatedly. They switched roles once and not only did Turing embedded his claws so deeply in Alec’s back that they ended up going to the hospital to make sure that nothing important was nicked by accident, but Jamie refused to be held by Alec for a week and couldn’t even look at him without starting to cry.

 

“Then I’ll be honoured.” He was truthful despite his strained smile and his plan to have all of his pockets stuffed with treats and maybe a handheld console for Alexandra. Maybe also get a simpler version for Alex so he wouldn’t feel left out because he really didn’t want to start a fight between the two.

 

Alec flashed him a smile and then flicked Q’s nose. “They already have the latest version of everything they need and their dentist will have my balls if either one of them get a new cavity despite them still having their baby teeth, so try to bribe them with apples or broccoli.”

 

“Alec, you’re a grown man and you hissed at broccoli when I made you touch one a few days ago in the store so I can easily imagine that your kids must be deadly allergic to it, so why do you want them to hate me?” He put Jamie in Alec’s arms, tutting when the man tried to give him back. “No, no. Punishment for trying to trick me is changing him.”

 

“J’accuse! I was kidding and you know it and you’re just using that excuse to wiggle out of doing this.” But since he was already in front of the changing table, he saw no reason not to do it. “Trickery aside and sworn promise that my kids won’t put you on their black lists, are you up for meeting them tomorrow? I haven’t told them anything yet and I won’t hold it against you if don’t—”

 

“I already said yes, remember?” Q interrupted him, distracted from making a joke about his bad memory and old age because he was much too busy dodging the other’s attempted hug. “You aren’t getting within a foot of me with that dirty diaper in your hand.”

 

Most of the times Q forgot that Alec used to be an agent because he always acted extremely warm towards them and fooled around without a second thought if it got Jamie to laugh or if it lifted Q's spirits. The downside was that he also forgot that, as a former double oh agent, it was embedded in Alec’s DNA to do the exact opposite of what he was told so of course he ended up chasing Q all around the apartment with his disgusting weapon for the next ten minutes.

 

“Alec, I’m serious!”

 

“You said not to so now I have to!” At least it was very clear why he was so good with kids – he was still one himself, which made that note in his file a complete lie and Q was going to make sure that MI6 would dispose of whatever second-rate psychiatrist had written it down.


	3. Chapter 3

“Why is he dressed up as a miniature sailor?” Alec asked, doing a horrible job at hiding his amusement.

 

“Because his father was a sailor,” Q said between greeted teeth, eye starting to twitch at the same time Alec started to outright laugh. “Look, he’s cute dressed up like this and I really didn’t want to waste Eve’s gifts on simple park walks.”

 

“Gifts?” Alec asked, wiggling his finger in front of Jamie’s face. “You mean you have more of these horrible outfits and you actually plan on torturing the poor child by dressing up in all of them and letting other people see and take pictures of him? Pictures which, by the way, will probably end up on social media for Jamie's future schoolmates to see, save, and tease him with.”

 

Q turned on his heel. “If you’re going to mock us, then I’m going home.”

 

He didn’t even manage to take a single step before Alec grabbed on to the back of what he guessed to be Q’s fancy multi-coloured cardigan that looked like a bloody unicorn vomited on, and pulled him back to his side. “My kids are expecting you, Q. Do you really want to disappoint them and make them think their papa is a liar?”

 

“That’s really low,” Q said after a moment, shoulders slumping.

 

“You don’t get to be a double oh agent by not being low,” Alec explained, sliding his hand from Q’s collar to his middle. “Now let’s get moving; you can get back at me by telling me what a horrible job I did installing the baby’s car seat even though I followed the instructions to the letter.”

 

Q huffed, feeling insulted once again. “Alec, I don’t make a habit out of…” He trailed off when he saw the seat, clicking his tongue and taking a deep breath. “Now how can you claim that you followed the instructions when it’s on backward and the anti-rebound bar is where the carry handle is supposed to be?”

 

Alec shrugged, swapping out Jamie for the instructions that he pulled out from his back pocket. “Well, I thought it looked strange, but that’s what it said in here and since I hear you constantly berate the agents for not following instructions, I didn’t dare to even think about questioning what the almighty—”

 

“The pages are stuck together because of strawberry jam, genius,” Q deadpanned, arching his eyebrow and waiving the – now three – pages in Alec’s face. The normalcy of everything only struck him when Alec hid his face behind Jamie’s face and asked for forgiveness in a baby voice and he smiled sadly.

 

Perhaps, in another life, he wouldn’t be pulling out a toolkit that was half filled with deadly weapons disguised as simple tools and his husband would be holding their child that they had either adopted or gotten from a surrogate mother. Not that this wasn’t a pleasant feeling and that he didn’t love Jamie or care for Alec, but he knew that this will abruptly come to an end when he least expected it and he’d be left to stare into the sunset yet again with a broken heart and nothing but a cat and general emptiness in his life.

 

“Your face is making Jamie want to cry,” Alec accused him and poked his nose, startling him. “Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking about before you ruin this day for yourself and strap the kid in. My own little demons are dying to get to know him and I can guarantee you that you’ll have such a great day with us that you'll never forget it.”

 

Q couldn’t tell Alec that the very prospect of having such a good time was what scared him so he forced himself to smile – which Alec immediately picked up on but pretended not to – while making sure the car seat was properly secured before letting Alec strap Jamie in and then, just because the child was too adorable, took a few pictures of him.

 

“My God, if you had a Facebook account and a job that didn't have anything to do with the world's safety, you’d be posting pictures of him 24/7,” Alec teased, himself snapping a picture of the fuming Q and smiling Jamie.

 

“As if your dashboard wouldn’t be flooded with pictures of your own,” Q accused, pulling the car door shut behind himself. “Your car will shut down if you dare to go over 20 miles per hour.”

 

“Fair enough,” Alec said simply, surprising Q by buckling up and rearranging his rear-view mirror before slowly pulling out of the parking lot. “Oh, if you could not mention to my kids the fact that Jamie technically already has a pet, I would be forever grateful to you.”

 

“You could start them off with a fish,” Q offered with uncertainty, feeling out of his element and like he should keep his mouth shut.

 

Without taking his eyes off the road, Alec opened his glove compartment and pulled out a small photo album that he gave to Q. “I think they already killed an entire school of fish by now and before you say anything about birds, more parakeets have flown south for the winter than London has swallows. My neighbour’s dog is afraid of them and he’s a German shepherd that survived Afghanistan.”

 

As he was explaining that, Q found a picture of two children looking very proud of themselves as they looked at a large dog dressed in a pink tutu, its ears peeking out from under a yellow bonnet with green polka dots and looking terrified. His mind drifted to Turing and the possibility of Jamie staying with him until he got a normal job after finishing University and cringing as he imagined the outcome of him dressing up the cat – quite possibly in the sailor uniform he had right now.

 

“Oh my God, I’m a horrible father and cat owner,” he muttered and hid his face in the palm of his hands, causing Jamie to clap his chubby little hands because he probably thought they were playing the peek-a-boo game.

 

“And what are we overthinking now, Q, and how far along are we in your doomsday scenario?” Alec teased him yet again, feeling around the dashboard for something. “Wait; let me record you so you can realize how ridiculous you’re being when you hear yourself, like always. Then again, that is only to be expected of a first time father who is trying to raise the child on his own.”

 

Q’s fear gave way to sadness, giving Jamie his hand to chew on. “I’m nothing more than a glorified babysitter.”

 

He guessed that the whisper in Russian he heard was a curse and he hurried to cover Jamie’s ears, glaring at the back of Alec’s head. According to all the books he read, the child was getting close to that age when he would mutter his first word and since he already looked really attentive at everyone that talked with him and smacked his little plump lips, the last thing Q wanted was for his first word to have something to do with someone’s mother, sexual preference, or dead relatives.

 

“If Jamie utters—”

 

“His hearing is not that good!”

 

“—A single bad word because of you, Alec, I’ll have you moved to the janitorial department until your grandkids’ kids finish college,” Q warned.

 

“He won’t, he won’t,” Alec insisted, looking a bit tense. “Especially since I started substituting the bad words with food ingredients. I kind stopped doing that ever since getting the stink eye in a Tesco of all things because Alexandra started chanting a word she heard me hiss after someone bumped a cart in my leg.”

 

Eyes narrowed, Q started to dig through the satchel he had brought along to look for Jamie’s favourite book. “I know a bit of Russian, Alec, and that wasn’t something you use in cooking unless you’re a cannibal.” A shot in the dark, but he had learned from the best to bluff his way into being right.

 

“I slip up every now and then,” Alec admitted, pulling on the highway. “I’ll assign myself on diaper duty for the rest of the day.”

 

“I’d have you on diaper duty for the entire month if you didn’t live so far away,” Q muttered, turning his attention back to the fussy Jamie, the disgusting smell coming from him hitting him in the face full on. “You better find a place to pull over because you’re needed.”

 

Alec groaned and Q was pleased that he had managed to find something to be miffed about so he could distract himself from how nervous he felt about meeting Alec’s children.

 

***

“We need a soldering iron,” Q muttered and Alex nodded like he actually understood what he was talking about while Alexandra looked around the apartment for something that might be a soldering iron.

 

Alec just stared incredulously at the scene before him, unable to rub his eyes because of Jamie. “Why did this happen? When did you have time to take the tablet apart? It took me only ten minutes to change—”

 

“He’s thinking,” Alexandra scolded Alec, crossing her arms over her chest and giving him the baby version of his glare. “And bring him a smothering iron.”

 

“Soldering iron,” Q corrected her absentmindedly. “And this happened because her tablet glitched while she was showing me the video of—”

 

“Please say ‘tea party’, please say ‘tea party’,” Alec started to mutter.

 

“—her planning to take over her kindergarten with—”

 

Alec groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, starting to mutter something else under his breath. “At least don’t say that mutt’s name, please.”

 

“—Rex’s help, after she had finished dressing him up accordingly, of course,” Q finished, side-glancing Alec to see what would come out of his mouth and if he needed to throw the nearest object at his head to shut him up.

 

Thankfully, all that Alec did was slump his shoulders in utter defeat and give Alexandra a pathetic look that seemed to ask her why was she doing this to him and why couldn't she be playing something a little less dangerous. The girl, for her part, reminded Q of his double oh agents with the way she simply shrugged and instantly found something else more interesting than her father's desperate looks and he couldn't help but feel somewhat avenged by the way she was acting, making him wish everyone who had given him attitude in the past when he was trying to scold them for their own good ended up with a child like her.

 

“I’m going to end up being served with a restraining order for Alexandra on behalf of the dog,” Alec muttered, tapping Q’s head to get him to pay attention to him. “Jaime’s been reaching for your hair for a minute now and he has _the_ face, so you’ll have to guide me while I do the soldering. And no, Alexandra, you cannot borrow Rex to dress him up as a ship for Jamie to sail.”

 

Alexandra looked beyond disappointed and when she saw that her father paid her no attention, she turned her baby blues to Q who simply arched an eyebrow. Even though she looked nothing like Alec, she definitely had picked up his mannerisms when it came to trying to get people to dance to her tune and it was very obvious that she would grow up to be a master manipulator. Alex, on the other hand, seemed to have had honed in Alec’s destructive side, and Q rushed to pick him up before he could get his little hands on the half-finished tablet.

 

His heart skipped a beat when the little boy rested his head in the crook of his neck and then again when Alexandra wrapped her arms around his middle while Alec snapped a quick picture of the three of them. “This is going on the wall,” Alec said with a huge smile on his lips as he was pocketing his phone. “Now guide me, Quartermaster, or I’ll end up soldering my fingers right off and if that happens, you’ll spend the rest of the day trying to kiss them to make them better.”

 

Alexandra gasped, but Q felt his face warm up a little. “Don’t say things like that in front of children,” he chided Alec. “And you, kids, have to be careful; kisses can’t fix everything. But they fix a great majority of things,” he added when he saw both kids turn their terrified eyes to him.

 

This meeting was the most stressful one in his life. He had met with countless heads of spy agencies from all around the world, glared down deranged people that wanted either his life, his skills, or outright his brain, shared a table with quite a lot of royals from all around the world, including with _the_ Queen herself, and yet feeling the the children's eyes on him from the second he set foot in Alec’s surprisingly homey apartment? He just wanted to lock himself in the nearest closet until everyone left! But then they saw his darling Jamie and forgot that they were apparently supposed to hate him and started to actually interact with him and smile as they bombarded him with questions about Jamie, giving him a tight hug when Alec jumped in to change the subject after he was asked about the mother because they were smart enough to realize that she was no longer in the picture.

 

So yes, the last thing he wanted to do was get them to hate him and—

 

“Stop thinking,” Alec muttered, tapping his forehead. “Stop thinking and help me with the tablet because I really don’t want it to blow up in my face.”

 

For a second, Q wanted to say that that wouldn’t be possible, but then he remembered who he was talking to and started to carefully give him instructions while Alexandra found a way to get on this back without tipping him over or distracted him. In fact, Q had been so concentrated on treating Alec like the 5 year old trapped inside a grown man’s body that he was that once everything was over and done with and Jamie started to clap, he suddenly became aware of the extra weight on his back and he started to slowly tip forward, making little noises in the back of his throat.

 

Alec saved him before he could faceplant, easily plucking his daughter from his back and sneaking his other arm around his middle to make sure he stayed upright, their noses almost touching. “Your little Jamie will want to start playing horsey pretty soon so congratulations on getting me as your own personal trainer starting this Monday.”

 

Q felt like they were starting to have a moment which made his stomach feel almost the same way it had the first time he met James, but Alex interrupted them before he could think about what was happening. “I want to be a trainer,” he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and puffing his cheeks, fixing Alec with the hardest – and most adorable – glare Q had ever seen.

 

“You will,” Alec assured him, moving his hand away from Q’s middle after making sure that he had found his footing to ruffle Alex’s hair. “But I need to make sure that Q here is worthy enough of a teacher of your stature. And while we’re on that subject, the three of you need to go wash your hands because dinner should be here in five minutes if they know what’s good for them.”

 

It wasn’t a surprise that Alec didn’t do any actual cooking, but he still felt the need to apologize and explain himself. James, he said, was the one who cooked when they were partners – he didn’t clear up what type of partners and Q tried really hard not to let his mind wander – and that he was thinking about taking cooking classes since YouTube videos and cookbooks resulted in Alexandra and Alex looking him dead in the eye and asking him if he wanted to kill them.

 

“My cooking skills are also non-existent,” Q admitted with a bit of embarrassment. “I ordered so much food from this one Chinese restaurant that I’m a VIP customer.”

 

“It’s okay,” Alexandra chimed in. “You fix tablets really well and probably other things, so I don’t mind that dad didn’t bring home a mom that might cut his fingers off when making sandwiches.”

 

Q choked on air and Alec rushed to pat his back, switching between glaring at his daughter and looking apologetic at Q. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, honestly. I made it clear that you are simply a dear friend.”

 

“Anne said that whenever her dad insists that someone is a good friend, they end up being her new mom for a few weeks,” Alexandra said in her defence, making Alec look even more apologetic while Q’s face found a way to turn redder than it already was, Jamie starting to get fussy and sob because he did not like what was happening to Q at all.

 

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Q wheezed out, trying to subdue his cough and to tickle Jamie’s stomach. “This is why I tell you to drink slowly,” he continued, elbowing the snickering Alec because, no, Jamie was not too young to understand what he was being told. Q could clearly read the understanding behind Jamie’s baby blues and another point in his favour was that he instantly calmed down and went back to suckling on his baby bottle, glaring at Alec. “And don’t worry, Alec; children will be children so maybe I shouldn't have come—”

 

“If you’re thinking like that, then it’s clearly not okay,” Alec interrupted, pouring Q more wine. “I made sure to tell them—”

 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to be our mom,” Alexandra interrupted, sounding only a bit disappointed while Alex looked outright devastated. “But did you look at the refrigerator to see just how good of an artist I am when it comes to family portraits?”

 

“Alexandra, Q can’t be your mom—”

 

“Why can’t a man be a mom?” Alex asked, frowning. “Is it because Jamie drinks from a bottle instead of you? Tina says her mom drinks for a bottle and she’s still her mom,” he went on to explain as he hoped off his chair before anyone could stop him and took Jamie’s bottle from him – which he didn’t like a single bit – and held it to Q’s lips. “Drink so you can be a mom and I can teach you how to make a sandwich without using a knife.”

 

Q was pretty sure that the sandwich involved rocks and mud, but he was less sure that he’d be able to turn it down if it was actually offered him. For that matter, if Alec didn’t plan on snapping out of his shock in the next five seconds, he was going to have to deal with an utterly devastated Jamie because he drank from his bottle instead of giving it back to him.

 

Thankfully, Alec remembered how to function and easily gave Jamie the bottle back and exiled his son and daughter to the living room by telling them they could actually use his PS4 if they figured out how to turn it on, saving the day.

 

“They got the wrong impression,” Alec quickly said once they were left alone – save for the now sleepy Jamie – and turned Q’s chair so he could kneel in front of him. “I might have talked a bit too much about you without realizing it, but I didn’t think they’d assume I wanted you to be their mother.”

 

“They’re adorable energy balls, so you’re forgiven,” Q assured him, wanting to rest his hands on his knees but unable to do so because Alec’s hands were already there and he was sure that he was as red as he could be without turning into the actual colour. “But maybe having me over for lunch wasn’t the best idea.”

 

Alec let out a little whine as he squeezed Q’s knee. “But everything that led up to this disaster was fine, right? The talking, the joking, the playing, the dismantling of more than a tablet because we’re talking about you and Alexandra, and pretty much everything else up until we sat down to eat.”

 

Q nodded, genuinely smiling and feeling himself relaxing a little. “Definitive proof that cooking is evil.”

 

“I still need a cooking partner because I can’t raise the kids on nothing but takeout,” Alec muttered, his hint obvious.

 

“Fancy takeout,” Q was quick to correct him. “Still, I’ll take you up on that offer because I can’t risk Bond not coming back and raising Jamie on Chinese takeout.”

 

Alec grinned, patting Q’s leg before jumping up and holding out his hand. “Can I also corrupt you to a dinner between just the two of us that was cooked for us by 3 star Michelin chefs? I’m sure that Eve can find the best babysitters for us on short notice.” Jamie made a little noise and then yawned, getting Q to turn his full attention back to him and Alec instantly understood. “Or we can take them with us after I have a conversation with mine about how wrong it is to assume things or try to trick someone into doing things they want.”

 

Q arched his eyebrow. “I assume they learned that from their father,” he teased before finally touching Alec’s hands. “But I forgot how a restaurant looks like from the inside and since they’re coming with us, I don’t see why we shouldn’t.”


	4. Chapter 4

Alec’s children started to look and act like they were up to something. They shared little grins when they thought that neither Q nor Alec saw them and although it was a very adorable thing to see, it made the two adults uneasy because when children quietly plotted, the outcome was never a good one.

 

They didn’t realize right away that, even though the two said they understood that they were just friends, the kids didn’t really so everything that followed was on them. Worse still, it didn’t dawn on them what the kids were doing even after they made sure to hold on tightly to Q and Alec and announce rather loudly that they loved the both of them and their new brother whenever the waitress neared their table during their first dinner together in a restaurant or when Alex very obviously faked a stomach ache the following week when they went to the zoo and a couple of women started to fawn over Jamie while asking Alec and Q if they were single or together.

 

No, no, those very obvious things didn’t tip them off. No, they were so blind to simple plots that didn't involve world domination that they needed Eve to play the role of Captain Obvious.

 

“They’re trying to get the two of you together,” she said simply after watching them for a couple of minutes.

 

Alec snorted. “Did MI6 really get so boring without us there that you’re starting to see things were they aren’t, Eve?”

 

“Q, who came up with this picnic idea?” She asked instead, her smile getting bigger when Q stopped mid-bite. “I see. Now, let me ask you one more thing: why did the kids look very disappointed when I showed up today when they usually rush towards me and have always referred to me as their favourite aunt even though I never bring them expensive gifts like everyone else does?”

 

It was Alec’s and Q’s turn to share a look - Alec looking mortified and ready to throw himself in front of Q to deeply apologize for what his two demonic spawns were doing, while a light shade of pink had spread over Q’s face, the tips of his ears now a deep red.

 

“This is on me,” Alec said slowly, already glaring in Alexandra’s direction because she had to be the ringleader. Alex was much too young and impressionable to really focus on anything for longer than five minutes – he knew the kid didn’t have ADHD because he had him tested – even if he did genuinely like Q and seemed to forget about the world whenever the man came into view with Jamie. “I really thought they understood the first time I talked with them, but—”

 

“They’re your kids, so they’d have a very hard time understanding what they’re being told when it’s something that they’re not supposed to do.” Eve interrupted him, looking very amused. “And don’t bring genetics into this; karma made sure that you’d be related on a cosmic level so you'd suffer as much as your handlers did, if not more.”

 

“It’s cute,” Q spoke up before Alec could really throw himself at Eve and attempt to strangle her, even scooting in between them to ensure that no fight would break out. “That your children want to see you happy, I mean.” What he was saying dawned on Q the second he finished talking and it was really something to see the normally well-composed Quartermaster start to stammer and chuckle awkwardly. “Not that I think I would be the one to make you happy."

 

This was the cue for Alec to lost his composure, much to Eve's amusement. "You're already making me happy, although I don't mean in a romantic way since I'm not assuming that you even swing that way, even though I swing both ways and I would most definitely wouldn’t mind. Did any of us remember to bring vodka?” He finally finished, squeezing his eyes shut like he was trying to will the moment away.

 

Q snorted, still avoiding looking up from his twirling thumbs. “Alec, you know perfectly well that I have deep feelings for James—”

 

“Everybody but James is well aware of that,” Eve chimed in, not even bothering to pretend that she wasn't filming the whole thing.

 

“That was a vital piece of information and totally not an embarrassing fact that I could have lived pretending not to know, thank you, Eve,” he muttered, sighing when he saw Eve raise her glass in his direction. “Anyway, Alec, I am sure you would make me happy because you’re kind, caring, and excellent with children. It’s also worth mentioning that you are also a very good cook, you clean like a god, and you change diapers the second I ask you.”

 

Alec arched his left eyebrow, seemingly back to his normal, cool and calm persona. “So what you’re saying is that a cleaning person and a nanny make you happy?”

 

“As an inexperienced bachelor who almost burned down my own apartment while trying to make instant noodles, yes,” Q said honestly, leaning closer to Alec to pat his cheek. “Take comfort in knowing that I could never afford you as either a nanny or a cleaning person.”

 

Alec leaned into Q’s hand a little and put his hand on top of his. “In all seriousness, you deserve someone better than that. Better than me. Better than James.”

 

They almost had a moment that got ruined by Alexandra and Alex high-fiving, Eve chuckling as she poured herself more lemonade. “If they had money and a concept of the real world, those two would totally be buying you wedding rings right now.”

 

Another look was shared, Q biting his lower lip not to burst into laughter because they both knew how ridiculous the rings would look. Alexandra would probably insist on getting them rings that were formed of tiny, diamond studded guns while Alex would have probably gone for something candy related.

 

“I bet Alexandra would somehow convince the neighbour to lend her his dog just so she could have Jamie ride him down the aisle,” Alec said between chuckles, winking at his two children who looked happy beyond belief.

 

In the end, they couldn’t really bring themselves to have another talk with the children about their platonic relationship, mostly because they both were aware that something had changed between them at that picnic.  Alec became a messier eater because it got Q to lean close to him and carefully wipe his face and Q kept forgetting his jacket at home because it got Alec to happily wrap his arm around him and pull him to his chest.

 

Of course, Q was happy to allow himself to fall for Alec not only because the man was everything he had told him at the picnic and so much more, but also because Jamie simply adored him. The boy’s face visibly lit up when the man came into his field of vision, he clapped his little, chubby hands whenever Q asked him if he wanted to see Alec, and his gurgles sometimes sounded like he was saying the man’s name.

 

It’s worth mentioning that Q was seemingly going through that period all young parents do when they think their children’s noises are supposed to be words because 'that's what the books said', but no one dared to actually tell him of course – a mix between a growling Alec that always seemed to hover right behind the young adoptive father whenever someone thought to call him out on his claims and a memory of how long he’d rubbed it in their faces that he had been right after Alexandra finally started to talk was what kept their mouth shut.

 

Bottom line was that Jamie liked Alec, Alexandra and Alex liked Q and both men liked each other more than friends would, so why the hell shouldn’t they?

 

Alec made the first move, asking Q if he’d be interested in lunching with him while Eve, alongside R and 009 – who were suspiciously on vacation on the same time – watched the kids. “It would be a date,” he was quick to clear up before Q answered. “Or not, if you don’t want it to be a date. It can be just two friends, having their other friends watch over their kids for a bit so they can enjoy a simple meal before going back to normal—”

 

“You’re rambling again,” Q interrupted him, doing his best not to laugh or even smile.

 

“I have recently discovered that I do that when I’m nervous,” Alec admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “It never happened to me before, not even when I was a young horny teenager in my home country, so I really have no idea how to deal with everything. Do you, by chance, have any tips? Not that I think—”

 

Q put his index finger over Alec’s lips, silencing him. “When that happens, stop talking and wait to see what answer you get.” He removed his finger from his lips and gently patted his cheek. “Yes, I would love to have lunch you. Do you have a specific date and restaurant in mind?”

 

As a matter of fact, he did and although it was supposedly only a lunch date in which, according to the unwritten rules of dating, you’re supposed to put in only a minimum amount of effort, Alec did not hold back. He wore his best clothes that were short of a suit, he got them a well-placed table in London’s best restaurant, he pulled out his chair, and he tried his best not to be very obvious in his Googling whenever he tried to sneak in mentions of coding and newest applications of technology in their conversation.

 

It didn’t take long for Q to take pity on Alec, resting his hand on top of Alec’s to get him to stop talking. “Alec, I’m grateful that you’re trying, but there’s no need to do this as I already like you and we both know that we have many other things in common that aren’t our children or work.”

 

Alec looked thankful as he relaxed, chuckling nervously. “I fear that my reputation precedes me and I wanted to show you that not only was I more than a simple muscle-bound, trigger-happy idiot but also someone of a certain age that can be taught new tricks.”

 

Humming, Q cupped Alec’s face. “I’m not sure I want to teach you new tricks, Alec. You're kind of perfect the way you are, as sappy and hard to believe to anyone within MI6 that worked with you in the past.”

 

The night ended the two of them sharing a bed and their bodies with each other after Alec took the bullet and making a very embarrassing call to Eve to ask her if she could extend her babysitting offer for until the sun rose – and promising to get a dog just to let it destroy all of her shoes if she didn’t stop calling him an old dog.

 

It was easy for them to look each other in the eye in the morning and share little kisses and easier still to continue dating. So easy in fact that not even a month later, they each had clothes and toothbrushes at each other’s places and no problem with holding hands not only in public when it was just the two of them, but also when Alexandra and Alex were with them which just made the two children smile constantly.

 

With things going so well, Q knew that something bad was bound to happen and yet he tried his best to put it out of his mind, Alec also trying his best to put his mind at ease while also worrying about the same thing – they both agreed that it was very funny how two people who could not afford to truly believe in a higher power feared the existence of karma and universal balance.

 

***

It was scary how easy he relaxed the second he touched U.K ground. He liked to think of himself as an eternal nomad that was incapable of growing roots anywhere in the world and yet, his body and heart loved even more to prove him wrong as he was never truly at ease anywhere but in this country even if the only reason he had returned was because he had finally got his former Quartermaster’s urgent and almost desperate pleas for him to return and he had been in such a rush to come back that it didn’t cross his mind to call anyone to at least make sure that MI6 was standing and maybe, just maybe ask for someone to come pick him up from the airport because of course Uber was overly-charging at this hour and the cabs were already all booked. 

 

The traffic was so backed up that he decided it would be easier to rent a car from the airport and drive himself to MI6, his assumption proven correct when he checked his on Taxify order just a signature away from riding away in a Mercedes and seeing that his car had only advanced two blocks from its original spot - naturally, he cancelled his cab order and made a mental note to grab a boffin and ask them to wire 20 pounds in the driver's account if the emergency Q had called him over for allowed time for that. 

 

Not that using a private car was any better than a cab. How was it possible to get from Vienna to London faster than from Heathrow to their new SIS building? When had London become so busy and why had the blasted plane landed in the middle of the rush hour? Everything would a lot easier if he simply called up Q and—No, no, MI6 might be compromised or Q might be deep undercover or extremely busy and he didn’t want to disturb him – well, on some level he did because that was par for the norm and if Q started to sass him that meant that everything was okay, but it was better if he simply waited in this case to see for himself  how things were, even if it was eating him up on the inside.

 

No, he just had to remember how to put up with the bloody traffic in this bloody city that he seemed to be in love with not that many hours ago and try not to get out of the car and strangle the driver in front of him with his own seat belt for driving so slow that everyone in his lane caught the same bloody stop light three times.

 

By the time he actually got to the office, he had obliterated the two stress balls a kid had sold him while waiting for a cop to remember that his side of the street not only existed, but that it was also full of people in cars that had places to go and things to do, but he did no regret those 30 pounds wasted because the building was still standing and one of the agents on the double oh training program that he didn’t want to throw off a building assured him that nothing bad had happened to anyone.

 

“Q’s actually in today, throwing a birthday party,” the forever junior agent finished giving the good news as he signed James in – officially, he was a civilian so he couldn’t walk wherever he pleased anymore even if all the security guards knew him.

 

James frowned. “Q’s birthday isn’t until September, so for who is this party?”

 

“Oh, it’s for—” The agent suddenly chocked and paled. “Oh, I got the dates all mixed up and the Quartermaster isn’t here today, but it was nice seeing you before anyone else did. Pop in tomorrow and I'm sure that Q will be here and more than happy to lay whatever fear you have to rest.”

 

His inability to lie coupled with his rather low IQ were the main reasons why he was still a junior agent even though he had started working for MI6 at the same time as him. “Mark, you’re still horrible at this. How are you still with us?” James cut right to the chase, not feeling like he was in the mood to tease the poor man.

 

Mark let out a frustrated sigh and he looked very annoyed. “I’m loyal, I do my best to properly complete the missions I get without any unnecessary damage, and I don’t run off when MI6 needs me the most.”

 

Point went to Mark and James actually looked around the hallway, expecting to see a nun walking around with a bell, shaming him – he blamed Q for ‘Game of Thrones’. “Yes, well I walked right in that one,” he conceded, trying to step around Mark only for the man to quickly move and block his path. “For whatever reason, the Quartermaster sent a lot of messages for the past seven months or so, asking that I come back, which I just did. So step aside so I could be that one good agent for once, even though I’m no longer on MI6’s payroll.”

 

Mike reluctantly did as we was asked and silently followed James to the elevator, sighing and lowering his head in shame as he didn’t even try to pretend that he didn’t know what button he was supposed to press to get to the Quartermaster.

 

James allowed himself a second to feel relief when the button for the secure medical floor wasn’t even brushed and then he returned to his overthinking ways. London hadn’t fallen, the building was still standing, no one looked like they were being mind-controlled – but he didn’t really pay attention to the security guards and sometimes, he didn’t think that Mike had a mind to control – he had parked right next to M’s car so he was still alive and kicking, so why had it been so important for him to return? And who celebrated their birthday at MI6?

 

Sure, everyone brought cookies, cakes, and juice because that was the proper social etiquette, but no one, not even the most workaholic boffin – who just happened to be the Quartermaster himself – or pencil pusher threw an actual party at their workplace and certainly not this early in the day and with the boss being present.

 

Mike stopped suddenly before a door, James almost walking into his back. “Can’t you wait until the party is over?”

 

“You’ve been acting so suspicious that I’m going to have to say no,” James said simply and pushed Mike out of his way, opening the door with a little too much strength than necessary that might have been due to the fact that he was really hoping to hit Mike with it.

 

The brightly lit room that was decorated with streamers and little colourful cut-outs of boats and tanks that hanged off the ceiling as well as balloons that were either shaped like the number 1 or had that number printed on them that greeted him made it looked like he was about to step into another world and he actually glanced at the barren and desolate hallway behind him for a second to make sure that he wasn’t just imagining things.

 

“If this is too much for you—”

 

“Drop it,” James interrupted the hopeful Mike, quickly entering the room before he lost his nerve and walked away from something that didn’t quite click in his mind for the first time ever.

 

He stuck out like a sore thumb as he was the only one in a dark suit and yet, no one noticed him, seemingly much too busy with their little plastic plates filled with colourful cake that James wouldn’t touch even if his life depended on it and their little plastic cups with blue tinsel around it and if add the overly-cheerful music that was coming through the speakers that were only ever used in case of an emergency, it gave James chills down his spine and he really wanted to get out of there before someone threw confetti or glitter at him.

 

Something short tugged on his suit’s jacket and he quickly whirled around, readying himself to kick whatever it was and thankfully stopped just before lifting his foot of the ground when he saw little Alexandra dressed in a clearly custom made camouflage dress.

 

“I didn’t know you were coming, Uncle James,” she said excitedly and wrapped herself around his legs, tripping him. “Did you also bring us gifts? Or are you going to be boring and say that your presence is gift enough like Aunt Eve says every time she sees us?”

 

It was neither Alexandra’s nor Alex’s birthday party, but their presence here signalled not only the fact that Alec had returned but also that Q was throwing a birthday party for a child which clicked just fine with the overall cheerfulness of everything, the floating number ‘1’ and the rather large number of children he suddenly noticed - but not with anything else he knew about him which gave James a splitting headache.

 

“I left your gifts back at home,” James said slowly after his senses returned to him, very easily pulling himself back up on his feet and ungluing the little girl from her. “But I promise that they are quite epic.” If she was still into weapons and if Alex still didn’t really care what he got as long as he could take it apart, his unplanned shopping spree would be a quick one.

 

Alexandra regarded him with a look that he had seen somewhere before, but never on her face before nodding once. “Understandable, but did you get Jamie something?”

 

James frowned. “Who’s Jamie?”

 

With a single finger, Alexandra broke James’ brain for she pointed in the middle of the room where a smiling Q was teaching a baby strapped to his chest how to clap to whatever song was playing that he couldn’t make out over the high pitched noise that he suddenly started to hear.

 

“He’s turning one today and his mother is gone to live with our mother,” Alexandra’s sweet voice broke though the noise that was very obviously in James’ head, “and I’m very sure that he’ll soon move in with me, Alex, and dad!”

 

On cue, Alec turned towards his daughter, spotted him, paled, rushed over to Q, leaned close, whispered something in his ear, and made his smile drop as he slowly turned and saw him. It was very painful to see the joy and life getting sucked out of Q instantly, his green eyes suddenly dulling and filling with unshed tears while hugging the baby tighter to his chest.

 

The change in Q’s mood was instantly noticed by everyone and they all turned in James' direction, their chatting dying down as they all focused on glaring at him, probably hoping that they could kill him on the spot - or at least inflict enough pain on him that he'd roll around on the floor in pure agony.

 

“Come with me,” Eve said softly as she took Alexandra’s hand out of James’, throwing him a glacial look before leading the confused girl away.

 

“And you with me,” Q’s defeated voice came from behind him, lips trembling, baby starting to get fussy in his arms. “Best if we have this conversation behind closed doors.”

 

Numb and confused, James followed Q without even nodding, almost shivering as they passed by Alec, his best friend looking at him like he was the scum of the earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice and slowly, we're getting there.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are love for my muse~


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